Wow, this place is weird. May have to be my new post-work spot now that Old Timer’s has closed. The Sky Ride Tap … what’s the Sky Ride? The train? They sell ‘packaged goods’ … what are those? And these supposed sandwiches … hell I’ll try anything once, but they seem particularly risky. Last thing to note: the bartender was about 90% cleavage. Not sure how that’s possible, but it’s true.
Outside the Sky Ride Tap.
Inside the Sky Ride Tap.
For a communist-themed bar, this place has done some serious capital investments. Everything is new and slick — from the wood-carved fists to the barrel stave walls. It’s a great place to grab a beer and munch on tasty bar food.
The wooden fist of flavor.
“Workingman’s Mild” — a ‘luncheon’ beer.
Revolution’s bacon popcorn. Decadently delicious.
I don’t think I would have ever realized this if my father-in-law hadn’t said anything, but it’s true: light beer fucks with my sleep. Something in the reduced caloric intake, it just makes me toss and turn and sleep restlessly.
photo credit: kevindooley
My father-in-law confessed that it gives him nightmares — light beer nightmares. Maybe that’s what it is. I’m tossing and turning trying to evade the dreaded light-beer-opolous before I find myself giving a speech only wearing my light-beer-briefs (OMG, they’re cold). I wish I’d remember the dreams.
And it doesn’t happen with anything else — wine, booze, stout, porter, cocktails, car-bombs — nothing else does it. What gives? Am we the only ones?
Dammit. Dammit. Old Timer’s is closing. Rumor on the street is that their building isn’t renewing their lease. They’re being squeezed out after 43 years — they served their first drink in 1967.
Which means going to the Elephant and Castle? No. The Tilted Kilt? Nope. Emerald Loop? Meh. The Gage? No way. Dammit.
The bartender broke the news today. We walk in. “No Jack,” he says to Mark shrugging his shoulders (because Mark always gets a Jack and Coke). “No PBR,” he tells me. I stare at the empty taps with confusion.
“Beam?” Mark asks.
“A little.” The bartender holds the bottle up to the light. “We closing.”
The news is like a skinned knee — you look down after falling and there is no blood, no pain. Then the neurons fire and ::::::: OW!
Friday, May 28th, 2010 will be the last day the bar is open. I’ll be there. Next Monday? Who knows.
Want Scotch? Go here. Want a swill beer challenge? Still here.
ROCKS (and I think it’s supposed to be all-caps) is a whiskey place (whisky too). They’ve got a huge booze list that includes everything from Bourbons to single-malts. Macallan, Johnnie Walker, Talisker, Ardbeg, Glenfiddich — it’s all here — along with Knob Creek, Maker’s Mark, and Jack Daniel’s. I had … something. To tell you the truth, I enjoy whiskey, but I don’t know much about it. I know it’s brown, it’s strong, and it’s barreled. That’s about it. I’m more familiar with other things. And that led to a challenge.
ROCKS has a cheap-beer flight. Could I tell them apart?
Four for four. Was I proud? Yes. Should I have been proud? Probably not.
There’s a lot of chatter on the web about the new Google Phone, the Nexus One. People speculate about what Google is doing; if Google will buy Sprint; if Google’s phone will be free … but they’re missing the bigger picture. What if Google opened a bar???
photo credit: Simon Aughton
Well, there will obviously be no clutter — just a big white room with no bottles or beer taps displayed. Ask and you shall receive — Google will stock everything.
But it will be ad supported. Want a Sierra Nevada Pale Ale? May we suggest a Budweiser American Ale instead? It embodies the spirit and rhythm of America. No? Ok, Sierra Nevada it is. That will be …
Free, right? Advertiser-supported drinks will eventually make them free. Which means Google will have to limit consumption somehow. Google can’t just allow all of its customers to drink themselves to death.
So, they’ll have to throttle usage. If certain unruly customers seem to be hitting up the service too often, they’ll have to enter a Captcha to prove their sobriety. Advertisers won’t want to advertise to blind drunks.
But some companies will be able to advertise directly to their consumers. Budweiser and Miller will have to pull all their advertising dollars out of sporting events to cover their bar tab. Sure the first American Ale is free, but the second … that’ll be paid for by Facebook (Isn’t it time you reconnected with __?) … and the third will be covered by Pfizer (Too much to drink? Viagra!) … and the fourth by Trojan. (Are you feeling lucky?)
And when the advertising dollars drain out of sporting events … Google will have to buy the NFL, NBA, MLB, etc. They’ll need the events to continue so that they have something to broadcast in their Google Bars (via YouTube) so patrons have a reason to visit.
But by this time, sporting events will be entirely digitized, conceptualized, modernized — there will be no athletes, just animated droid-thletes. And all the ex-athlete, muscled-up individuals that used to be professional athletes will be kicked to the curb, cursed to wander the streets jobless and penniless … only to find refuge in the Google Bar. Where they’ll have too much to drink, become angry at the bullshit, digitized farce on the YouTube screens and start a massive bar fight.
Which will interrupt all the Google Voice conversations and Friend Connections and Google Waves that are happening (nobody just TALKS in the Google Bar). And chaos will reign while the oppressed rise up and drunkenly swing at the also-drunk nerdarati. Which means only one thing: Google will have to buy the prison system. If Google’s going to make everything free, it will need a source of free labor.
Longman and Eagle | Logan Square, Chicago
Logan Square’s Longman and Eagle has two quirks: 1) 30 whiskeys for $3 a shot 2) an inn … in the works.
Let’s start with the weirder one. This place eventually will have an inn above the bar. It will be pretty convenient if you’re a suburban boozer — get sloshed downstairs, then head up to sleep — but it’s a little odd as a vacation destination. Regardless, I like it. There are plenty of places that serve Miller Lite. Being different is good.
Which leads to the other quirk — cheap booze. $3 a shot is a pretty solid deal. You can’t get swill beer for that at most bars downtown. Longman is right off the Blue Line’s Logan Square stop, and if you leave the loop at 5PM, you can have a glass of whiskey in front of you by 5:25.