The Bar You’re At, You Drunk Idiot In A Green Shirt | Saint Patrick’s Day, Wherever You Are

Well, you’ve managed to get drunk.  Great job.  You should be proud.  And you dressed yourself!  Hopefully, you won’t wet yourself.  It’s Saint Patrick’s Day … yippie.

photo credit: crazbabe21

Oh, you started drinking at 8AM?  That’s fantastic.  Definitely seizing the day.  Nothing like waking up and having a shot of Jameson — put some hair on that chest underneath the barf on your shirt.  I’m proud of you for rallying after the boot.

No, seriously, enjoy the green beer.  It’s definitely not just Miller Lite with food coloring.  I agree that it tastes mintier than normal.  You’re definitely right on that point.  It’s minty delicious.  Like your breath, but you may want to grab some gum.  Seriously.  Remember that rallying starts with some gum or a toothbrush.

No, Irish Spring is a soap.  Do not put that in your mouth.  Well, fuck it.  Go ahead.  Enjoy the spirit of the day!  Yeah, it’s green.  Like those beads you’re wearing.  You show your tits for those?  Oh, fantastic.  I hope you got a pic for the Facebook.

Yeah, seriously.  You just CAN’T do this everyday.  Like, what would other people think if you were drunk at noon on some OTHER day.  They’d think you were a drunk.  And do they even sell Harp on other days?  Oh, they do?  Weird.  I swear you can’t just do this whenever you want.  There’s one day that it’s possible to get drunk before lunch and it’s today, so it’s great that you’re taking advantage of it.  It’d be like Thanksgiving without cooking a turkey.  They sell those on other days too?  No WAY!?!

Well, that settles it then.  Bring me the car-bomb.  I’ll find a green shirt.  Stick that shamrock sticker on my cheek.  It’s Saint Patrick’s Day!